Back in September of 2008 Grace was initiated into the Catholic Church by the rite of holy baptism. On that day, Jeff and I promised--along with her Godparents--to raise Grace in the tradition of Catholicism.
I all but had my fingers crossed behind my back when I made this oath. Until today, we hadn't stepped foot in a Catholic Church since Grace's baptism 14 months ago.
I will just come out and say it--I do not like the Catholic Church. God? Believe in him. Jesus? Love him. But the institution of the church once drove me to the brink of aetheism. Thankfully, I have come to understand that the church is run by man (literally) and that man (literally, but woman too, I'll concede) is flawed. The church is not a reification of God. It is, on the other hand, the locus of humanity's best attempts at making sense of Him. So it is in this spirit that I have found peace with my decision to raise Grace in the holy tradition that my parents worked tirelessly to teach me to appreciate, depsite its flaws. There are a lot of things I wish were different about the Church--conversations instead of lectures, negotiations of meanings instead of authoritive decrees from the pulpit, gender equality on the altar, tolerance and acceptance of marginalized social groups--but Grace and I can talk about these things--critically--and, from within, work to change them. Being a critical thinker and working to change the world she inhabits instead of fleeing from it--these are values I want Grace to embody. So here we begin our great church search.
Tonight we hit St. Agnes in Avon, NY. When I walked in, it reminded me of the church of my early youth, Our Lady of Lebanon in Niagara Falls, NY. Vast and beige. The architecture left something to be desired. From where we were sitting I couldn't even see the altar, my vision osbtructed by a giant pillar. The music was slow and dirge-like. With Christmas next week I thought we'd at least get some familiar Christmas Church tunes, but nada. No one was singing except for the high-pitched opera star wannabe at the microphone up front. Not a lot of enthusiasm. The homily was decent--good message (a point that could have been made in about half the time Father spent talking), but I wouldn't say inspiring or evocative. Not like Fr. Damien at St. Mike's in Warsaw. I think Jeff and I were spoiled by his out-of-the-box homilies and the upbeat folk music. So ultimately, I was not impressed by St. Agnes. However, there was one thing that really stood out--the frindliness of the people in the congregation. We were greeted warmly by so many people and, even after Grace spent the entirity of the mass squirming and, at time, shrieking, people commented on how cute she was and that it was fun listening to her. One couple even confided that they themselves were trying to get pregnant! Part of what I'm looking for in finding a church is to feel like I'm part of a community. St. Agnes seems to have this potential.
It's not that I'm looking to have fun in chuch. I know that we don't go to church to be entertained. But I do want to feel fulfilled when I walk out the door. I want to feel like I've had a spiritual experience. Good music helps with this and so does an inspired priest who gives thoughtful and thought provoking homilies. I didn't really find that at St. Agnes. I will concede that my attention was focused elsewhere for much of the service (on Squirrly McSquirmingburg) but I can't help but think that maybe SHE needs a great church as much as I do in order to stay focused.
