friends & biscotti

Yesterday I came home to a Ziplock bag on the counter filled with homemade biscotti, several Tazo Chai teabags, and a note from my friend, Melissa. To make it even better, when I had my biscotti with my coffee this morning, I discovered the entire underside was chocolate. Today I am thankful for a good friend & good biscotti...it doesn't get much better.

oh canada!

As I write this, I am in Vancouver for a conference. I am at the Westin hotel looking at this from my wall of windows:

Yesterday I rode up Grouse Mountain in a Gondola and had dinner at the top looking out to mountains, ocean, and city skyline. It was breathtaking....one of those moments where you really learn your place in the world and realize just what a teeny tiny speck you are. As I looked at the pristine landscape, I just kept thinking over and over, 'Here is proof that God exists in the world.'

It's such a relief to feel small sometimes and to realize the inevitability of your own limitations. It's like, I don't have control over the world or even my world, I'm not that powerful; of course I'm going to be imperfect, insecure, and fail sometimes. It takes a weight off my shoulders to understand that with clarity. Being here for a research conference, you meet a lot of people with very inflated senses of themselves because their name is in print a lot of times. The beauty of my surroundings along with the companionship of colleagues and friends has really trivialized that for me. This beauty--that's what matters. Our great conversations, sharing of stories, laughter, Skyping with Jeff, Grace and Zara; setting goals, making plans, promising myself to be more fun, to be happier, to live more simply and to be more thankful--this is what matters.

I'm really thankful for this experience...a chance to get away and chill out, to connect with people, and learn a little more about what makes a good life.

right in my backyard

As I was driving today from the dry cleaners in Avon to meet my friend, Karla, for lunch in Geneseo, I came upon the 5 Arch Bridge on Route 39. I've driven past a few times before, but this time I saw the river sparkling in the sunlight and was compelled to check it out. I think this will be a great place to bring the kids this summer--especially Grace--for a picnic and some frolicking in the river. It's funny to me that I used to assume that there was nothing to do "out in the sticks" and that it would be boring to live "out in the middle of nowhere." But there's a lot of beauty out here. Some of it is right under my nose and easily overlooked as I hurry from here to there. I'm thankful that I slowed down today to take it in, and I can't wait to share it with my peeps.

I may not have been very good at fasting this Good Friday, but what I ate in chicken I made up for in thankfulness to God for this serene landscape and the beautiful area that I call home.

another story by grace

The other day Grace wanted to tell me a story. I was just telling my students about it, and I realize that it's a great one to capture here. It went something like this:

"Once upon a time there was a king. And the king said very naughty things to the boy. He said, 'stupid,' then he said, 'ugly,' and theeeen he said, 'dammit.'

At that point I said, "Grace! You shouldn't say those words. Let's think of some other words we can think of to say instead of 'dammit.' There's 'darn it,' there's--

Grace cut me off. "But Mommy," she said, "You told me I can say those words if I'm telling you what someone else said!"

She got me :)

I am so thankful that, in her innocence, she has such a profound ability to make me laugh.

happy 16th birthday to natalie

Sixteen years ago today, I became an aunt to the sweetest, smartest, cutest child--Natalie Evelina.

At that point in my life, I loved this little girl as much as I could love any child. It was Natalie who actually gave me my first taste of what it would be like to be a mom. When I was only sixteen years old myself, I would babysit her on Tuesday nights when Kim and Italo would play in their dart league. She was just a tiny little baby and I would just sit and hold her, not quite sure of what else you were supposed to do with a tiny little baby. And when she cried--boy did she cry--I had absolutely no idea what to do with her. One night I even had to call in backup (my dad!). I realize now that the poor child was probably just hungry--whoops! Live and learn :)

I am amazed at how fast time flies and at the fact that she's sixteen years old already, but I am even more amazed by the young woman that she has become. She is smart, sharp-witted, multi-talented, and oh so very beautiful. In so many ways, she is just a bigger and better version of little girl that she once was. Natalie, here's hoping that you never completely change but continue to become a better version of yourself in the years to come.

Happy birthday, Natty. Today--and all days--I am so thankful that you were born.

snuggle bugs

This morning when Zara woke up, I changed her diaper and then brought her back into our bedroom for some Mommy-Daddy snuggle time (because my eyes simply were not yet ready to be open!). A few minutes later, Grace strolled in--barefoot in zebra striped pajamas, her hair a wild, curly mess, a grin on her face when she saw the three of us in our bed. Usually these days when I try to get Grace to snuggle for a bit in the morning, she won't have it. She's always ready to be doing anything but resting. She always has a plan for her day...one that typically includes storytelling, coloring, drawing, and general mess-making, and one that is usually different from whatever it is that I have in mind. Anyway, I think it was seeing Zara with a prominent place in snuggle-town that let Grace be broken down and coerced into bed. At one point she and Zara had their foreheads pressed together, both laughing (I wasn't quick enough for the photo, unfortunately). Too cute.

So this is how Jeff and I spent the first 10 minutes of our day today: in bed with our girls, giggling & being silly, and talking about what the day would bring. What it brought for me was a chaotic, confusing, and highly politicized day at work where very little work actually got done. And in the midst of it, I remembered our earliest moments today and I remembered what's really important.

I am thankful today for the brief moments of connection & peace--our morning snuggle-time--that help keep life's most mundane and frustrating moments in perspective.

giving and getting thanks

It's so important to be thankful. I was reminded of this today when one of my students came to my office to get some feedback on a paper he is writing. As he was leaving, he let me know how thankful he is for having taken my class and how it has shaped his understandings about teaching. He also told me that he is acquainted with a couple of students I had several years ago in this same course and that I came highly recommended. There are a lot of times in my job where I feel inadequate. There are other times where I feel validated and excited about the work I am doing. Hearing a simple "thank you" from my students is just what I need to hear in order to flip that switch.

I am so thankful for students who invigorate my passion for teaching and for the subject that I teach, and who energize me with their thanks.

retroactive thanks

I haven't introduced the blogosphere to Zara yet, the newest addition to our family. Born on 9/27/11, Z is the happiest, chubbiest little baby I've ever seen. Grace, even in a foul mood, can make Z smile, and when she does, the foul mood breaks and Grace grins back and calls her "Smiley Cakes." Her laugh is hearty, as is her appetite. I get so much joy out of watching these two sisters together. I only pray that they always love each other so much, that they always make each other laugh, and that they always have each other's backs.

I am so over-the-moon thankful for our little Zara. I never thought our family was missing anything without her, but now that we have her, I can't imagine life any other way.

making a comeback

I need to get better about blogging more regularly, and I realize this in the moments with Grace and Zara that a snapshot never seems to do justice. In fact, some days, the only thing that would do justice to the simultaneous chaos & wonder would be if I could freeze time and somehow package our most precious moments to be re-opened at a later date when our blessings seem less prolific. But, until Apple comes up with an app for that, a blog will have to do. And I will have to re-dedicate myself to the cause.

I started out a little too ambitious and a little too literary. In the business of my life as a full-time mom and a full-time professor, the words come less easily and spare moments are spent attempting some feat of cleaning (or at least neatening) or, you know, showering. Most times, I feel like trying to cobble words together to form coherent sentences is a challenge, let alone words in sentences that I would feel confident enough about to make public on this blog.

One thing I've learned in the past 3 and a half years since I became a mom is that women today can have it all. I am proof of that. But that also means we have to do it all, and to do it all, we just have to make it simple. So today begins my renewed attempt at blogging, replete with a renewed focus on the things in my life that I am thankful for. I make no promises that my stories will evoke tears or that I will even come close to conveying the hilarity, insanity, wisdom, beauty, or frustration that I experience in my day-to-day life with my family, but I will do my best to detail something each day to give thanks for. And in this way, I hope to become a more thankful person...one that is more aware and conscious of the beauty that surrounds me. Wish me luck...